Susy. I met this girl through a girl friend of mine. The way this all goes down is Susy tells my friend that she wants to go on a date, its been a while and needs a break from studying. However, she graduates in a month and doesn’t need some clingy guy looking for a relationship, she just wants to have a good time and get away. My friend says I have the perfect guy, calls me, I ask a few questions, i like the answers so i agree.

I call her before we go to dinner and get to know her a little bit so I am not going out with a stranger. We have good conversation, she laughs, I laugh, the conversation is very engaging, it would have been easy to talk for hours. Towards the end she tells me “its rare to talk to someone who can have a conversation about topics I am interested in as well”. I should have realized at that point, things weren’t going to be casual. Towards the end of the conversation I say “So I hear you aren’t looking for anything serious and you are just using me?”, she laughs and says “Yep and I hear you aren’t looking for a long term deal right now either, so its perfect”. She must have used her magic woman mind eraser at this point and conveniently forgot about that little conversation.

Here is our conversation about the date:

Luke: I will pick up up at 6:30 and we are eating at 7.

Susy: Well, I live about 15 minutes away from you, I will just meet you there, so you don’t have to drive.

Luke: We are going on a date right? I don’t mind picking you up, I’d like to pick you up actually.

Susy: Really? I just don’t remember the last time someone picked me up for a date.

Luke: Well, maybe you are going on dates with the wrong guys.

Susy: Laughs and says she is excited.

I pick her up at 6:30, I open the truck door for her, she says “Thanks, I don’t remember the last time that’s happened to me, this is like something from the movies!”

We get to the restaurant, I have reservations, the kind where they take you to your table at 7, not give you a buzzer at 7. She says “you made reservations? Nice touch.” Wait, at what point in our society did reservations become a nice touch? Who wants to sit on a bench with a buzzer in your nice dress waiting on a booth? It’s not a nice touch, it’s a necessity to eating good food without waiting.

We eat dinner, I order us a bottle of white wine and scallops for an appetizer. She has never had them before and I explain to her what they are, where they come from and why she will like them. She asks if I like white wine better than red, I said no but it goes better with our meal since its all light seafood, she says “how do you know so much about wine and food?” Ok stop, this is getting out of hand, just because I know to drink white with light seafood doesn’t mean I know “so much” about wine, it just means I am not retarded. My 9 year old cousin knows to drink white wine with light seafood.

I pay for dinner, she asks if she needs to help with dinner, I tell her that isn’t even an option, she smiles really big and we leave.

We get back to her place, she invites me in. Realize this, I am ok with the date stopping right here, we had fun, we had good conversation, good food, I enjoyed her company, the night could stop right now and I was perfectly ok with it. However, she invites me in so I go in for a bit, we talk on the couch, she leaves to go change into pajamas, comes back in the living room with her dress half way off and asks me to help with the zipper. That’s a side zipper, and she has it half way undone, plenty to get the dress off, I realize what she is doing, but don’t act on it. This isn’t my first rodeo, I see attachment coming from the date we just had, this will only make it worse. I am a very aggressive guy, when the timing is right I act with confidence and certainty, I don’t ask if its ok, I don’t question and don’t think twice, however timing was not right on this one. I undid her zipper and made sure to hold my hand on the dress so it wouldn’t fall. Well she started kissing me, aggressively kissing me, well the timing might not have been right, but I have a dick that was saying otherwise. I showed her stars she didn’t even know existed.

Wake up the next morning I throw biscuits from her fridge in the oven and cook bacon. She wakes up and says “no one has ever cooked me breakfast before, that’s so sweet” Ok wait, I’m not cooking you breakfast, we are hungry, therefore I am making us something to eat, big difference. If I had bought omelette groceries the night before, woke up early, hand chopped the ingredients, made you an omelette with OJ and brought it to you in bed, then that would be cooking for you. I just heated some shit up for us to eat, BIG difference.

So I leave and go on my day. What’s the first thing she does? Calls her girlfriends and tells them what a great time she has, she met a great guy that is really into her, he has the qualities of someone I would want to be with and he thinks I am special! Girl, you should have saw the way he looked at me, I can tell, he gets me, we have a connection, we have something special.

YES YOU JUST ENTERED THE TWILIGHT ZONE. WHERE LOGIC IS REMOVED FROM EVERYDAY LIFE.

Wait. What did you just tell your girlfriend? We JUST had this pre date conversation about neither one of us were looking for more than just a fun casual date. You told her that I thought you were special, how are you special? We went on a date and you threw yourself on me the same night, that’s not special. That’s a Thursday. You now have a day of the week associated with your name.

So, tell me again, from the date and night we just had, why do you think you are special to me already? Remember, we have had one date.

Here is why she thinks she is special, a list she has made in her head:

~ It’s been a long time since I have had good conversation with a guy. He must really be into me since he asked me questions about me and my life instead of just talking about himself.
~ I don’t remember the last time someone picked me up for a date, he must really think the world of me to drive all the way out here to get me.
~ I don’t remember the last genuine compliment I received, when he told me I looked great in my dress I felt like a princess. I must be a princess in his eyes!!.
~ He opened the truck door for me, this for sure means that he is crazy about me.
~ He made reservations at the restaurant, he is so thoughtful.
~ He cooked for me!! That is soooo romantic! Just like The Notebook!
~ He knows so much about food and wine, I love how sophisticated he is.
~ He has a good job, I love that he is responsible and can prepare financially for our family, its going to be so awesome! Our kids are going to be so cute!
~ He didn’t wear a ballcap on our first date and didn’t talk on his phone the whole time at dinner, he’s just the kind of guy I have been wanting! We are both Taurus’s and it shows, this was fate!!
~ He didn’t watch baseball over my shoulder on the bar tv while we are talking, I love that he is so focused on making me happy!

She tells her girlfriends how she is SOOOO excited about the next time we get to out again and how she thinks this one could be different!!!

Now here is where the breakdown occurs. PAY ATTENTION.
My buddy calls me to go eat wings for lunch and he says, “by the way, how did your date go last night?”

I say, “It was pretty fun, dude, I had this redfish topped with crabmeat, best I have ever had.”

Him: “What about the girl, like her?”

Me: “Oh, she was cool, she isn’t looking anything serious, we just had fun, she had a great rack and nailed her for an hour though, order me 10 hot and 10 lemon pepper, I will meet you there in 20 minutes”.

NOW CAN YOU SEE WHERE DISASTER IS BREWING?

I don’t call her the next day because remember, we just went out because she wanted to have some casual fun. Right?

Its been two days, she calls her girlfriends, “I got played! He just told me what I wanted to hear so he could sleep with me! I thought he was different!”

So I go along with my life thinking everything is fine, she was looking for a good time, I showed her that and if either of us want to again then we will call. She doesn’t have the qualities that I am looking for in a long term relationship, so I am not going to pursue, but it doesn’t matter because she was just looking for casual, right? RIGHT?????

She goes along with her life thinking that I played her. That I just wined and dined her for sex, when in reality like I said before I didn’t care if we did that or not, I was fine just going home after our date.

She calls all her friends and says “That luke guy sure fooled me, I thought he was really into me and I was special, what a manipulator! Whatever you do, don’t date him unless you want your heart broken!”

OK BACK FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE, LOGIC IS BACK INTO PLAY.

Maybe from now on our dates should be us going to fast food for dinner, me talking about myself the entire dinner, me texting and checking my phone when it was your turn to talk, me accidentally forgetting my wallet when it was time to pay, us going back to my house and asking you to watch me play Playstation3 for 2 hours, taking you home, borrowing your bathroom for a number 2 and then not calling you again. Maybe then we won’t have to have the “Yes I like you but I don’t think we are compatible long term” conversation and you give me the deer in headlights look like I just told you that 2+2=9.

I have an idea, I will be inconsiderate and uninteresting just so you don’t get the wrong impression.
I have an idea, I will try as hard as possible to be condescending to you and show no interest whatsoever just so you don’t get wrong impression.

Just because I listen, am considerate, give attention, have intellectual/stimulating two sided conversation, have a sense of humor and show legitimate interest in you does not mean the following:

1. I want us to make a blanket for two with our names crocheted in a big read heart, alternating stitching, my hand then yours.
2. I want us to start looking at house plans for me, you, our 2.3 kids, a white picket fence and our black lab named “Roxy”.
3. I think we should buy a two seater bike with matching helmets and ride it to functions together.
4. That “destiny brought us together”.

Women, if a guy tells you he isn’t interested in something long term with you, you need to listen. I know your favorite hobby is to hear what you want to hear instead of what is actually spoken. For example:

I am not really looking for anything long term right now with you.

Translation to a woman:

I know he says he just wants casual dating, but that’s just because he hasn’t met someone like me before. He just needs me to show him what he is missing and how great we can be together. Sounds like a challenge to me!

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